Who Knows?
The Raven Knows!
By E.R.
As we head into the final official month of the 2017 season tons of trades, trade rumors, and other IFL happenings are starting to peak. This is an exciting time of year for the IFL as our league never slows down. Savvy owners know this, and have been working on improving their team through cutting cap, obtaining players, and acquiring draft picks.
But what you don’t know could hurt you! Personally I’d like to throw all of you into a wood-chipper, but when I’m not thinking of ways to end you, I actually like 97% of you. Figure out the 3% oil driller! So El Raven has gone under ground and dug up some interesting tid bits that he’ll roll out for you in this new series.
What follows are only some of what ol El Raven is hearing these days…
The Rumor: AJ Green wants out of Miami and will be on another team opening day
Bird Shit Meter of Truth: 10 of 10
The Low Down: I honestly think AJ Green will be out of Miami way before opening day. I think closer to the draft is more likely.
AJ Green is the ultimate boom or bust WR. He will hands down win you a few weeks. The problem with AJ is he is the the NFL equivalent of Detroit Russ. He will ghost you mother fuckers right when you need him. So the risk lies two fold: His contract, and will he show up when you need him? Throw in Andy Dalton, the fact that they won’t fire Marvin Lewis, and a supposed commitment to the run game and you have an extremely volatile situation.
El Raven thinks AJ Green is a solid buy, but his contract isn’t a bargain, and the GM dealing him won’t just give him away to be rid of him. The one factor that I see playing into negotiations is you don’t want to be over invested in shit shows: and make no mistake, Cincinnati is shit show. With Mixon and Benard already locked down, this move makes sense for both GM’s if they can find a common middle ground.
The Rumor: Khalil Mack is getting out of perennial doormat Philadelphia
Bird Shit Meter of Truth: 5 of 10
The Lowdown: Philly Chris is a fucking mess. He tried to contend last season and ended up a Bottom Feeder. Now what seems like an annual rebuild is under progress. He already shipped Ingram for a bag of magic beans, and the wolves are circling the Eagles carcass.
With the IDP community’s hope that Mack ends up back at DE, last years most crushing positional change value has jumped back to the top of many wish-lists. El Raven is hearing though that the offers coming in feel like opposing GM’s are trying to drop Chris into the meat grinda!
Valuing a DE is always a tricky process as you are chasing sacks, but his 10.6 million dollar salary and two years remaining contract look like a S Mart special when compared to his AFC doppelganger.
From what I’m hearing, you better come correct, or Mack will put up another MVP season on a losing squad.
The Rumor: Mariota or Winston is leaving Kansas Chittay
Bird Shit Meter of Truth: 2 of 10 would not bang
The Lowdown: Two seasons in the books and we are still waiting for this shoe to drop. To say this experiment has blown up in Curt’s face is an understatement. The only thing he’s managed to do is pay these two disappointments more money each year.
The problem as always is Curt’s inability or lack of desire to value. I know for a fact that there is interest, but when you are 2-14 you gotta protect yourself against rape. So Curt has strapped on the chastity belt and buckled himself into the iron throne. He want’s what he considers fair market value, he doesn’t want to dump for cap only to spend more wisely elsewhere. This presents a problem as neither is a bargain at their current contracts, and their value is extremely hard to gauge. An injury to a starting QB on another team could drive the value of either Mariota or Winston, but then the value Curt is so desperately trying to figure out will be thrown into the Interstellar black hole again.
The only way I see this move happening is if Curt finally says fuck it, I’ll just take the cap. Don’t hold your breath IFL.
The Rumor: Barry is over the fisting Josh gave him
Bird Shit Meter of Truth: 0 of 10
The Lowdown: Barry has pretty much been a fucking ghost this off-season. Some could contribute that to his booming business supplying the Alabama Crimson Tide with National Champion grade THC, but others would say he just doesn’t know how to put Captain Air Yards in a box and toss his Bottom Feeding, ALL TIME LOW SCORING, USELESS PIE CHART LOVING, COMMUNIST, NEVER BEEN TO A PLAYOFF ASS into the Garbage chute.
El Raven says come back Barry, most of the IFL misses you.
The Rumor: Tevin Coleman is tired of loosing and wants out of Jacksonville
Bird Shit Meter of Truth: 10 of 10
The Lowdown: Tevin Coleman isn’t going anywhere. Nate won’t be raped. By not trading he guarantees this won’t happen. He also doesn’t like when we talk about his non-trading. We are a bunch of dicks. Well, he got that right.
The Rumor: The NFC #1 overall is available…for the right price
Bird Shit Meter of Truth: 4 of 10
The Lowdown: By the right price El Raven is pretty sure Atlanta Floyd means the secret behind being able to drink a bottle of Tequila and not want to die. The feeling around the Atlanta franchise is that they are going to shock the NFC South and be its 3rd division champion in three years.
A lot of things went right for Flod in a bounce back 8-8 season after going 4-12 in 2016. A jump to 10 or 11 wins is not out of the realm of possibility, so he’ll listen to real offers. El Raven doesn’t see the Las Vegas Mule giving up the #1 overall, but crazier things have happened…Kansas Chittay cough, cough.
The Rumor: Cleveland Kyle is going to make a run on Rob Gronkowski to spite his rival for the perfect decapitation he did last year on Travis Kelce.
Bird Shit Meter of Truth: 3 of 10
The Lowdown: El Raven took note when Kylie decided to move into the first and grab the 15th pick overall. As the sad sack from Ohio has made moves and cut cap this season, what really looks like a possibility is hijacking David Johnson away from another division rival in the Steel City.
Should a bid be placed, look for Rob Gronkowski to make the jump to loser Cleveland or any other franchise, as GM Matt Vasquez has stated on multiple private conversations with the AFC North bottom feeder that he will not match any offer on the too oft hurt TE coming off arguably one of his best seasons in recent years. The suspension during the divisional round is a very tender subject in Baltimore.
What would an extra 20 million in cap and a 1st round pick look like in Baltimore? Could El Raven have his eye on another FT player?
IFL, you can send rumors to El Raven on DM as this will be a new weekly feature. NFC, its a little harder work you guys in, so give me something so this can truly be a league wide series. Until next time…go fuck your faces!
