I was lying in bed last night thinking about the IFL and my Shit For Brains article. I started thinking, “What if there is somebody like me in an alternate universe writing about his fantasy football league? Better yet, what if everything is turned upside down?” It would probably look something like this…
Hello LFI. This is Las Vegas Giarc. I just finshed combing my long hair and applying my acne medication. It looks like I just hit puberty. I am so excited that you old fucks allowed me, the youngest member in league history to be a part of your group.
Before I get into this week’s article, I wanted to give you some updates on what other owners have been doing.
Baltimore Ttam is hoping to be the first center selected in the upcoming NBA draft. At 7’2″, Ttam certainly has the height to play in the NBA. The concern is that NBA officials have said he is just too quiet. They would like Ttam to be more outspoken.
Green Bay Yrrab has received a government grant to help fund his “Say No To Drugs” campaign. Yrrab is still working with a speech pathologist who is trying to slow Yrrab’s speech down. He just talks too damn fast for anyone to hear him.
Pittsburgh Recneps and Buffalo Sivart are both excited about their 7th porno movie scheduled to be released around the holidays. It is entitled, “My head looks like a penis”. Recneps is sporting a Brazilian style head and Sivart is manscaping. I’m sure everyone here in the LFI is hoping it is a success.
Chicago Cin is training for his 7 marathon.
New York Cory has been beat up again by the 115 girl down the street. When will he learn that perhaps he should hit the gym.
New England Kram has released his home made audio book tapes that are designed to keep over the road truck drivers awake at night. Kram’s voice is so sweet sounding that anyone can listen to him talk for hours and stay awake and attentive.
Indianaolis Kire is working on a new book called “Win-win. The art of fair deals and negotiation”. Kire has consulted leaders from around the world on how compromise and how to find common ground in all trades and negotiations.
Cleveland Elyk is still working at the Safe Driving Institute. He spends time working with young people and teaches them how to concentrate on safe driving and not succumb to other distractions when he is behind the wheel.
Kansas City Truc and Miami Darb have asked me to talk to the rest of the LFI about a sensitive subject. I know you are all thinking “impotence” . Perhaps that would apply in an alternative universe called the IFL, but this is the LFI. They want more people to watch their Show, Pardon My Cincy Danny.
Anyway, that alternate universe sure would be an interesting place. I have to get to sleep so I can focus on my Shit For Brains article.
There are four games that I wanted to take a look at this week.
Cincy Danny 296.78 points vs Baltimore Matt 288.91 points (7.87 point differential).
New England Mark 286.09 points vs New York Cory 281.06 points (5.03 point differential)
Dallas Brian 252.77 points vs Philly Tiff 248.8 points (3.98 point differential)
Los Angeles Shayne 307.15 points vs Arizona Jai 300.40 (6.75 point differential)
In the first game Baltimore Matt lost to Cincy Danny by 7.87 points. Was there anything that Matt could have done to win this game? Before looking, I just wanted everyone to know that I really hope Matt is the Shit For Brains. I could call him a dumbass for trading for Gurley and Julio and he probably is going to come up a little “short”. However, I looked at his starting lineup and everything makes sense. If he would have started Big Ben instead of Lamar he would have won. I understand Matt’s loyalty to Lamar. It reminds me of the love fest between Kyle and Goff. Matt does not have Shit For Brains.
The next game I wanted to look at was New England Mark vs New York Cory. Cory lost by 5.03 points. Was there anything that Cory could have done to win this? Cory decided to start Darius Slayton who scored 2.2 points. If Cory would have started Preston Williams he would have won. Williams scored 17.5 points. That being said, Slayton and Williams are pretty comparable and we didn’t really know how Tua would perform. Based on the above, Cory does not have Shit For Brains.
The third game that I wanted to look at was Dallas Brian and Philly Tiff. Tiff lost this game by 3.97 points. Could Tiff have done anything different to win this game. The biggest question mark was starting James White who scored 4.7 points. She had Hunter Renfro on the bench who scored 10.75 points. Going into the Jets/Patriots game, nobody was expecting this to be a James White game. The Pats were expected to run the ball alot. On the contrary, the Raiders were involved in a high scoring affair versus the Chargers who are struggling on defense. In this case, Tiff certainly is a candidate for Shit For Brains. She would have gotten my vote, if not for one person.
The last game worth taking a look at is Los Angeles Shayne versus Arizona Jai. Jai lost by 6.75 points. Could he have done anything different to win this game. Who the hell starts Jared Cook over Aaron Jones? Only someone with Shit For Brains. Jarek Cook scored 7.4 points in a rain storm in Tampa. Aaron Jones played on Thursday and scored 18.4 points. That is as bad as it gets. Nobody would recommend starting Jared Cook over Aaron Jones. For that Jai, you are the Shit For Brains for week 9.
