I am so glad to be back for another season of Shit for Brains. I think it was Tom Petty who sang “Waiting Is The Hardest Part”. RIP Buddy. I have been writing this article for a couple of years now and I thought it would be fun to look at the origins of Shit For Brains. It was something that I came up with when I was younger and used to write articles on a typewriter. Luke, a typewriter was a device that created written content by smashing a small metal bar that was carved in the shape of a letter against a ribbon that had an inky substance on it. When the metal piece compressed the ribbon against the paper it left the mark of a letter on it. You can see old videos of how typewriters worked.

No, I want to go all the way back. The concept of Shit For Brains was developed by the Greeks around 700BC. I read about this at my local library. I found an old dictionary that was written in Latin. While I was looking through it, I found some other funny definitions:

Shittus enim Brainius translates to Shit For Brains – someone who is incredibly stupid and idiotic.

Manateeus translates to a large beast with huge man boobs.

Green Bayis Barrius translates to a lethargic medicated individual who operates from the slow lane.

Tiffanius translates to goddess of the kitchen.

El Ravenius translates to a tiny man with small pebbles between his legs.

Indianapolius Erikius translates to ghost.

Kylius translates to ancestoral Cro-Magnun man.

Denverus Davius translates into perpetual bottom dweller.

Joshius translates into lover of wines and math.

Enough of my story. This week was extremely uneventful. The closest game was separated by 16.75 points. I can’t remember when every single IFL contest was as lopsided as it was last weekend. There is only one contest that is worth taking a look at.

Carolina Nils vs Indianpolis Erik.

In this contest Nils scored 316.9 points. Erik scored 300.15 points. The point differential was 16.15 points. Was there anything that Erik could have done differently to win this game.

I went through Erik’s team and his bench is extremely weak. The only thing he could have done was to start Devin Duvernay who scored 24.25 points over DK Metcalf who scored 8.1 points. If he would have done this then we would have scored 316.3 points. Even though he would be trailing Nils 316.9 to 316.3, we all know that Erik would win with a stat correction because that is what that lucky prick does.

However, nobody in their right mind would ever have started Duvernay over Metcalf so I can honest say that Erik does not have Shit For Brains for this week.

In conclusion, Shit For Brains really didn’t announce his or her presence this week. Until next week… see you later!