…and we’re back…
What a long fuckin offseason huh? I believe Marquee Matchups left off (threw in the towel) week 3 of 2017? Well since that time, I brought in two writers to help carry the load, so we can maybe make it to week 4 this year. Cause let’s face it, trying to motivate 6-10 teams to produce interesting content each week once the season starts is basically mission impossible, BUT, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Both Nic and Canad-i-Nate have been tasked to help me with assigning matchups, chasing down content & writing pieces this year.
The rules are simple. If you get selected for a matchup, it is up to you to make something cool. We are not accepting written pieces. Your submissions must be in audio, video, graphical format of some sort. That’s not to say we don’t want some written content with your submission, we do. It doesn’t have to be good quality or even well thought out. Simply turn your phone around and run your mouth for 15 seconds. Done. We got some really great stuff from some of the quieter GMs last year, and look forward to building on that success.
We’ve gotten rid of some aspects of the series from last year as well like the golden ak lamp rating system. We wanted to simplify the series a bit to make writing them easier, and let’s face it, the ak lamp basically grew so large in popularity that we couldn’t afford to pay it’s salary and it went on to be the rating system of the entire G-D IFLsite.
We are however, bringing back most of the match-up categories from last year and have discussed adding a few new ones (see the current list below).
Without further ado…let’s get after it…
Rivalry Matchup 
(A heated, inner-divisional rivalry)Déjà vu
(Either a key SB or playoff replay from a day gone by)
Grudge Match 
(Two GMs that have a general disdain for one another)“Finish Him”
(The match has serious playoff implications)
Wager Match 
(There is a side bet riding on the match to some degree)BUMFIGHTS
(The title pretty much says it all)
Win Drought 
(one GM has dominated the matchups historically)Challenger Approaches
(Anyone can challenge anyone)
Clash of Champions 
(A H2H match with two of the IFL's previous Champions)Playoff Preview
(Two teams that could very likely see one another again...)
Series Record: 3-1
Brought to you by Braf
Man-o-Man… if I hadn’t looked it up prior to writing this, I would have expected to find Dallas with the winning edge over NY, and I would have been so wrong. DJ has simply owned this sum-bitch head-to-head. Naturally, I reached out to these two for a good ole fashioned win drought. Every year, Dallas seems to struggle with DJ, sneak into the playoffs by sweeping Washington & Philly (4-0 against each), and then promptly lose to the nearest playoff team. That appears to be the formula. Anyhow, let’s hear what these two had to say…
Fun Fact: Dallas lost to the entire AFC East last year (including A-Aron)
New York DJordan
2018 Giants Motto: “Get Better!”
“The NYG prepare for act 3 one thing is clear I am a ok team. Same 8-8 record for 2 years. Had good records vs some teams Dallas 3-1 but weak vs other teams 0-2 vs Luke and Will 2 playoff teams. I have 2 choices step up or rebuild. I have a open mind going forward. This year theme is build to be the best not just another good team. 2 respected GM (ok 1 Brian you lucky to be in good company lol) looking forward to battle in week 1. The key is getting the proper value for your players so when a deal makes you better not worse in the long run.”
– DJ
Dallas Brian
“I’m 9-3 against my division and all 3 loses came against DJordan. This kind, generous, polite, asshole has been a real thorn in my side. It’s time I take out the trash and show DJordan what an elite team should do against a team such as his.”
– B
Series Record: 2-3
(1-2 since Dean joined)
2017 Playoff Score: IND 350.50 – HOU 295.37
Brought to you by Braf
We’ve waited all year for it. Dean won the division, but ultimately fell to his division rival in the divisional round of the playoffs (feel like I said division a lot in that sentence, but it was necessary). The burning question on everyone’s mind this time around?
Who’s gonna suck Dean’s dick?
Sadly, that question has long gone unanswered. Hopefully Erik is the guy, cause fuck Erik right in the goatass (I’m still shook from losing to him in the AFC championship game). Enough about me and goatasses; let’s hear what the 2017 champ has to say to the 2068 champ…
Houston Dean
“Erik has had a rough off season. He started with three 1st round picks and looked like he could have been a true dynasty like the IFL has not seen. The first to build a team possible of repeating. But then DD struck and Erik was left with a limp roster.”
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0pA_nyG7qls
“Erik is still flaccid entering this Marquee Matchup and that sucks for him. I’m not going to feel sorry for him or take it easy on him…
This is better watched on a bigger screen and in stereo to get the full effect. I also suggest pre-watching the reference track Swimming Pools by Kendrick Lamar to full appreciate this remix.”
-Dean
Indy Erik
“Houston Dean needs to sell off to any buyer willing to take his players off his hands and start looking forward to the 2019 season. Dean take a page out of Decker’s playbook and SELL. Your main offensive player MCcoy’s status is up in the air this year and you have no depth to replace him. You are relying on AP, Chris Carson and Rishard Matthews to carry you to the playoffs! AP won’t make it a full year, Chris Carson will get replaced by Penny and Matthews is not even going to be the Titans number one receiver. Your defense is average but defiantly not enough for you to make it to the playoffs.”
-Erik
Series Record: 2-2
Brought to you by Nate
Chicago – Green Bay is one of those rivalries that only gets hotter over time. In the inaugural season of the IFL it was Green Bay taking down the NFC North Crown, the following season Chicago got their revenge by taking it the title. If it sounds like this rivalry is tight, that’s because it is. The season series is 2-2. Nic has the momentum, but Barry is feeling confident he’s found the magic combination to once again change the direction of the NFC north. Let’s see what they two competitors have to say…
Chicago Nic
“As many of you know, I spend a lot of my downtime on the IFLSite.com website. I browse, I read old articles and projections. I laugh at the terrible takes, and I reminisce about my own personal greatness. But this last week, as I was furiously fapping to the January 2016 edition of Analyze This w/ Josh.O, I noticed something I had not seen before. There was a little anus dancing in the corner of my screen. I could tell right away that it was completely gaped; so I switched my Lenovo Yoga into Laptop mode and I used the touchscreen to tickle the little floating butthole. To my complete amazement, a backdoor portal opened up, and I found what appears to be a lost recording of the lackluster STADIUM JUNKY show. I had never heard of this show, but apparently it’s some newfangled attempt at analysis by our own Green Barry. So, I did what any curious rabbit would do, and I clicked the Play Button. This…is what happened next…”
-Nic
Green Barry
“I 
1-15. I member trading away Joseph Randle for a 1st. The true Nic is in there somewhere. A glimpse of his old ways has tried to break free. His old ways have manifested into Blake Bortles and Trubisky. It’s only a matter of time before Green Bay regains its rightful spot atop the North. And Nic will once again rely on a 1st overall pick as a crutch. He will rely on new GM’s to donate to him with sorry ass trades. We are GB. And WE ARE #1 in the hearts and minds of IFL Nation!”
-Barry
Series Record: 2-3
Brought to you by Nate
If I had to guess there are two things that Luke loves about Brazil. 1) Carnival, and 2) the fact that it is home to Luke’s personal whipping boy Carlos. Something that Luke could nearly always count on was beating up on poor Carlos. But wait just a minute! After some creative off season moves Carlos has gotten some fight back, the fire has returned to his eyes. No longer is he going to allow Luke to run roughshod over the NFC south.. It’s time for Carlos to become.. CAPTAIN BRAZIL!
New Orleans Carlos
The 2018 season is upon us
the best time of the year
and, once again, before it starts
“Tampa will win it all” is all I hear
The best GM, the best RBs, the best DEs…
It gets repeated almost every moment
however, as history shows
it usually ends in Championship Game disappointment
Don’t get me wrong, I am really a fan of Luke
and his starting lineup is great
but, unless he finds a way to add depth
he is due to another 365 days of wait
Poem by
-Los
Tampa Bay Luke
“As we all know, Carlos builds rockets in some underdeveloped part of the world. Here’s a wonderful phrase, in his primitive language he can use when he loses to me next week! Foda-se Bucs na bunda!”
-Luke
Series Record: 4-1
2017 Playoff Score: MIA 312.40 – NE 278.75
Brought to you by Nic
Two of the IFL’s biggest blowhards are back at it; and they’ve never blown this hard before. The lowkey hostility between these two megalomaniacs can’t be overstated. They play nice when they’re in the Slack Rooms, but rumor has it that each one shoved the others’ toothbrush deep inside their pucker tunnel during Vegas 2018. However, careful research reveals that only Mark performed this heinous act. Not that Brad is innocent. He certainly tried to return the toothbrush in the rectum, but alas, Mark is British and the Queen’s Men don’t brush their teeth. Brad will have to seek his revenge on the virtual field in week 1. It will be Mark’s Mighty Menagerie versus Brad’s Balanced Bunch.
New England Marf
“This is always the fixture on the schedule we look out in the NE front office. As soon as it’s released the first question is never how difficult our schedule is, it’s merely, when do we play Miami. The rivalry goes back a number of years but in its most recent iteration, we have let ourselves down. No longer however. We took the East last year and now we’re ready to dominate the Dolphins with our rebuilt roster. It’s no longer a question of if we’ll beat them, it’s simply a question of by how much we’ll beat them. We are ready to be our best.”
-Marf
Miami Braf
“It feels like just yesterday that I KO’d Marf from the playoffs after beating him in a must-win late season battle. It’s sad that we can’t truly call this a rivalry since it has been such a one-sided affair. Marf finally put together a defense, so I’m hoping to get a decent fight out of him this year, but I am not going to hold my breath.”
-Braf
Enjoy the latest hit in the extensive Braf catalog…